The reality of the whole situation is that my back is a mess. Hey there, weight-loss fans. Thanks for gracing these pages with your time. I've been coping with severe back pain since last Saturday, so that has been consuming much of my head space. I just got up from a chair last week and BOOM! Pain. There's been several trips to my chiropractor this week and I am getting some relief, but I'm far from 100%
The good news that being off my feet for much of the week has greatly improved the condition of my right knee. I guess it just needed the rest. The not so great news is that tomorrow, Friday the 16th, I have my first solo gig at a local restaurant/bar. I've never carried a whole night by myself before and singing with back pain, wasn't the way I wanted to start. As my friend Linda told me, "Just say yes to drugs!" That's a funny line, but I may just have to medicate, prior to leaving.
One might be inclined to blame my recent relapse and weight gain for the back issues. The truth is that I have always had them, so I won't use that as the sole excuse. But I can't ignore that I'd be in a much better place with my back pain if I didn't carry so much weight up front. To that end, I am still determined.
Speaking of my determination, I've been fairly solid since we last spoke. Aside from the one wine at dinner which I wrote about last week, no alcohol for this guy. My meals have been sensible, not Spartan. I'm enjoying my food. Being on the couch and icing my back doesn't help in burning calories, but I'm happy that I am still steadfast in maintaining a lifestyle change.
There's plenty to write about these days and I hope to find time this weekend to spout off on a host of topics. You all be well until the next time we meet.
Cya,
M
What I ate today:
Breakfast ~ On my way to "The Shaman", aka my chiropractor, I grabbed an eggwhite McMuffin and a coffee.
Lunch ~ Mom arrived from Maryland in need of sustenance. I whipped up a quickie tuna salad, which we ate on 100 calorie sandwich thins and I had a bit of beef barley soup with mine.
Snack ~ I have been tossing down some homemade pickled cukes and carrots here and there. Spicy crunchy deliciousness. Mmmmmm...
Dinner ~ I enjoyed some pea soup and about 3 oz of flank steak, plus mixed veggies, a pile of cabbage and an O'Douls. I brought half home for another meal. I like getting a meal that I enjoy and only eating half. It makes my restaurant experience so much more fulfilling.
Howdy, partners. I am in a cowboy kinda mood I guess, because I just got back from dinner at the Longhorn Steakhouse. I can sum up the week pretty easy in a few sentences, then I will circle back around to tonight's vittles.
My week went very well. My eating was on point every day and despite feeling a little "blue" about my current relationship status, I didn't seek to sooth the malaise with garbage. That was Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. Then Friday came...
Today was stressful. I will spare you the boring details, but come five o'clock, my friend Alex and I were scheduled to have dinner. I broke my week-plus long abstinence from alcohol and enjoyed a long pour of Cabernet. I've had fish or chicken most of this week and when I saw that the Longhorn had dinners under 500 calories that included steak, I said, "Okay. Some red meat won't kill you, or even worse, derail you." I am a little regretful about breaking the seal on my wine embargo, but it was a one off thing. It will be a while before I tipple again.
Before I leave you, a big shout out to Bill and Fiona, who celebrate 27 years today and Tom and Sue, who mark 44 years of wedded bliss tomorrow. Bravo, folks. Love you all.
Cya next time,
M
What I ate today:
Breakfast ~ Blueberry flax granola w/half a banana and almond milk
Lunch ~ Leftover turkey burger and roasted eggplant tossed with 1/2 cup of tomato sauce and 1 oz. of whole wheat pasta.
Dinner ~ Caesar salad (no croutons, of course), asparagus, a 7oz. flat iron steak and my wine probably were about 700 calories in total. The day likely came in around 1700 calories, so all-in-all, not tragic.
Isn't is an interesting paradox that so-called comfort food makes us so uncomfortable? Usually when you sink into something you consider comfort food, you do so with gusto and inevitably overdo it, thus making you feel sluggish, sick, foggy-headed or any of dozens of symptoms. Ironically, none of which are comforting or comfortable.
It's human nature to resort to the familiar in times of need. Much like someone who habitually goes back to an old discarded lover when they are feeling blue and alone. They crave a reconnection to an ingrained recognizable guilty pleasure. Inhibitions are cast aside and they relish the short-term pleasure, ignoring the imminent consequences. You know you are going to regret it, yet you start a vicious cycle of self-loathing and misery. You dive in, head first, and do laps in the loony pool. Can you say "drunk dialing?" Well consider the fridge my cellphone and left over pizza my ex. The theory is the same. Let's do something that we will regret to make us feel better about ourselves. Are you feeling the bugnuts, batshit craziness I'm layin' down here?
Somehow I (we) need to figure out a way to reprogram the wiring in our heads to seek out a roasted veg salad instead of pizza, creamy mashed cauliflower instead of mac and cheese, a piece of fruit instead of ice cream. How about instead of bacon...well, don't be stupid. There is no substitute for bacon, so screw that. Just don't reach for it when you are vulnerable. Loooves me some bacon!
Our heads are complicated and, too often, masochistic things, are they not? Let's learn to identify our motivation and act with prudence when looking toward our taste buds to cure what ails our hearts. Yeah, yeah. You are shaking your head saying "If it were only that easy." Well, it ain't that easy, which is why I write this infernal blog. If it were that easy, I'd be out in the world, thin, fit and climbing on a mountain or someone of the opposite sex. Instead, I'm at the dining room table, typing away on my laptop. We should give it a try just the same. We might have less to seek comfort from if we did.
Be well, my friends.
Until the next time,
M
What I ate today:
Breakfast ~ Re-purposing lasts night's dinner, I had a turkey burger sliced crosswise, topped with perfectly fried eggs and roasted peppers.
Lunch ~ There was some homemade frozen brown rice jambalaya in the freezer, which I nuked.
Dinner ~ TBD, but likely a broiled fish and some veggies.
Here's a quick rundown of my last three days, in which I think I did pretty darn good. This past weekend I had the opportunity to celebrate the 50th birthday of my friend Gordon and the 50th of perhaps my oldest dear friend, Donna. At these gatherings I managed to A: Not drink, B: Lay off fatty snacks and C: Avoid the cake. At both parties, I did allow myself about 6 chips or pretzels with salsa or guac, I ate meats and veggies off the grill without benefit of buns, and steered clear of cheese on anything. There was plenty of opportunity to indulge, but rather than see it as temptation, I really didn't want any of it. There was no longing for the seven layer dip or macaroni salad.
Dessert did nothing for me. I didn't feel deprived in the slightest. The proper mindset is coming back to me and life is good. All I want is to eat something healthy, or at the very least do no damage.
Today was no exception. I ate well all day and this evening went to my poker league. Poker nights are usually a opportunity to not only spend way too much money on food an drink, but it turns into almost a Bacchanalia of indulgence. Tonight I ate at home. At poker I enjoyed two O'Doul's non-alcoholic beers and that was it. I wound up spending about a quarter of what I usually would and was alert and wide awake the whole evening. Usually I am in a fog after a few drinks and a big meal. I guess it showed in my playing, because out of three eleven-person tournies, I took a first and a second.
It seems like I am back strong. Sure. One day at a time. I won't be doing a victory dance until I am done, but I am happy with this turnaround in mindset.
Cya next time,
Mike
What I ate today and how I exercised:
Breakfast ~ Coffee w/fat-free half and half and blueberry flax granola w/almond milk
Snack ~ A 100 calorie yogurt
Lunch ~ A fish taco, much like showed the other night
Snack ~ About 6 whole wheat pretzel sticks
Dinner ~ I cracked open the grill for the first time this season. I grilled up eggplant, red peppers, asparagus and turkey burgers. On my burger I had some home made guac made from the pico leftover from last week and some fresh avocado.
More like, I need a new knee now. Okay. That's an exaggeration. For years I had no issues with my knees. Sure, the normal aches and pains that go along with aging, but nothing debilitating. Recently I was in the kitchen and a lateral movement caused a sudden, sharp pain in my right knee. I really didn't think much of it. A week later I was in a doctor's office having Lake Erie drained from my from the offending joint. He back-filled it with cortisone. The x-rays show typical arthritis for a fifty-year-old. The doctor was surprised after I told him what I once weighed. He was shocked that my knee was in as good a shape as it was.
Fast forward three weeks. I still have pain and now an MRI is in order. Doc says that walking is out of the question for exercise. This means I have a $1500 coat rack in my living room as the dreadmill is useless. I will likely need some surgery to repair and hopefully four weeks after, I will be as good as new... or at least as good as previously owned and dealer certified.
Cya next time,
Mike
What I ate today:
Breakfast ~ An egg sandwich on a 100 calorie bagel thin.
Lunch ~ Pressed for time I grabbed an hand full of almonds and a small bowl of cereal with almond milk.
Dinner ~ About 4 ounces of rotisserie chicken and a mountain of Brussels sprouts. I sauteed up an entire 10 oz. package with various ingredients like one slice of bacon (crisp, grease drained off), onion, garlic, a teaspoon of maple syrup and a teaspoon of balsamic vinegar. The whole plate was around 400 calories and 14g fat.
So how ya been? Yeah, me too. Who's gonna listen, right? Nice to see you back here and frankly, it's nice to be back. A lot has transpired since our last visit. Some positive, some not so much. As planned, I turned fifty back in January. There were only two choices for that plan and since I am on this side of the grass, it's safe to say I made the wise one. One plan that wasn't completed successfully was my goal of getting to 195 by that milestone birthday. I guess you could say that I failed in epic fashion there. Since we last met here, I have put back on a good deal of the weight I worked so hard to shed since I started this in February of 2012. How much? I don't know. I can only guess, but not knowing, in my mind, will keep me from going off the deep end. I want to see this through. I want to be healthy, happy and an example of what you can do with the right tools. Keeping my eye on where I am going is the important thing right now.
Why have I strayed from the wellness path so much? Knowing myself as I do, I can honestly say that my food addiction will always look for reasons to sabotage and I will more often than not oblige. So what were the excuses? "Where's the dirt!?!", you cry. Let's dip into how I got here some more in this, Episode 19 of my saga. (If you are new here, go back and find the other 18 chapters. There's some real gold there.)
Back in the early part of 2013 I started to write less and it felt like this blog became a job. I had enjoyed it so much in the beginning, but it turned into a daily chore to find content that was meaningful. I felt I couldn't be true to the core values of what I had built: be honest and share your experience. The sharing was the issue. And without the sharing there was no honesty. For some time I had been unhappy in my marriage and in deference to my wife's privacy, I didn't use these pages as public shrink's couch. That was increasingly harder to do as I found my resolve for fitness waning, so despite failed attempts to keep this blog up and many empty promises for future posts (I am truly sorry for that), I packed it in.
With the blog set aside, my eating habits and alcohol intake became my new hobby and exercise went out the window. I am far from an alcoholic, but many, many empty calories have been consumed. I knew my marriage was likely coming to end and, with that excuse, I drowned my sorrows in what was familiar and absurdly comfortable...crap crap and more crap.
Honestly, there is no dirt to be found here. You won't find any insight into the private matters of my marriage on these pages, but I will simply sum it up in a few words. We didn't work as a couple. In October of 2013, days before our 5th wedding anniversary, we decided to separate and she is still to this day my dearest friend and I want nothing but the best for her. I can't speak for her, but I think it's safe to say we are both happier now.
Change is stressful and as I work my way through this process of divorce I know that I will want to abuse my body and mind as a coping mechanism. That is precisely why I made the choice to return here and minimize further damage, which would be inevitable should I not. I'm good at this and know what to do. Doing it is always the hard part. I may not be a perfect example of inspiration and resolve... just a perfect example of me. I'm flawed. Given that, I do not intend to make promises of what I will and won't do here.
So what will this current TDT195 reboot look like? Not sure really. I will post when I am moved to and will share my experience as best I can now that the disclosure restrictions of my private life are more relaxed. I'm just a soon to be single fifty-year-old man hoping to better himself. I'll do my best. I say "do" my best not "try." Like Yoda said, "Do. Or do not. There is no try."
My plan is to work diligently at making positive changes and perhaps weigh in sometime in June, when damage done has been minimized. I am not setting an end date for my goal, but my desire is for sooner, rather than later. I'll post recipes here and there. I'll try to maintain the lighthearted humor you've come to expect with my writing. This is likely the least funny entry you'll read from here on out. It almost seems like I should throw a joke in to lighten the mood, but today I am at a loss. This whole thing will be HARD. I know it. The future is kinda scary, but somehow I can't wait to get there.
Cya next time,
M
What I ate today:
Breakfast ~ Pumpkin Flax cereal w/Unsweetened Vanilla Almond Milk
Lunch ~ Whilst shopping, I grabbed a 16 oz. drink at the juice bar made of carrot, celery, parsley and spinach. I also had some seared tuna.
Snack ~ One banana
Dinner ~ Pictured here is a fish taco, with homemade pico de gallo, homemade pickled onions, avocado and a piece of panko crusted tilapia on a whole grain tortilla. The taco and the baby kale salad are drizzled with a homemade cilantro lime dressing. This plate came in at just over 400 calories.
I'll make this one of those PostIt Note sized entries. I didn't weigh myself today. I've been having some issues lately that are getting in my head and veering me off course. I'm getting myself straightened out and I'll be back on track sooner, rather than later. I intimated last night that I might discuss it today, but I need to make the words right. They aren't coming to me just yet. Keep coming back and watch me overcome my food demons. I'm still with this. It's just a little more difficult these days.
I'll see y'all tomorrow,
M
What I ate today and how I exercised:
Breakfast ~ Cereal and coffee
Lunch ~ A big bowl of homemade chicken soup
Dinner ~ I revised my turkey meatball recipe and I very much liked the results. The added moisture which was formerly used to compensate for the 99% lean turkey was replaced with roasted eggplant. It not only kept them more moist, but they were delicious. Thanks for the idea, Rocco DiSpirito! I had them with my own marinara sauce and some whole grain pasta.
Exercise ~ None. I hope to hit the gym tomorrow. This was the first day I have had without and back/shoulder pain.
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