In Part 4, I
left us at the tail end of the 90’s. I
had newfound friends that are still a very big part of my life and was getting
out more. I was also increasing the
amount of water I could displace in a swimming pool, at record speed. I had gone from big to huge. One of my new friends, “T”, was so much like me
that we instantly clicked.
“T” and I
shared a love of food, wine, music, poker and much, much more. We were practically inseparable. The problem was that what we did mostly was
eat. We would look for new and
interesting places to stuff ourselves silly.
If “T” found a new place he liked, we were there in double-time. I remember one such outing was at an
all-you-can-eat sushi place in the city.
I was gorged on every kind of sashimi, hand roll, maki roll, drum roll,
whatever. I then waited for my two pals, “T1”&”T2”, to finish their gluttony. It was an additional hour before they were
done. Oofah! Those boys could eat! But that wasn’t the end. We had to go to the new Krispy Kreme that
opened up, as well. “Make sure you get
them as soon as they go through the waterfall of icing, so they’re hot.”, “T”
instructed the paper-hatted lackey behind the counter. We got 2 dozen airy sugar bombs and a container
of milk and plopped ourselves down to induce the glycemic coma. If it wasn’t outings like that, it was The
Manor for the Grand Seafood Buffet, or a favorite pizza place, or a hot dog
cart in Newark at 1AM. It got totally
out of hand. On a happier note, “T”’s
family took me in as one of their own. I
was dining at their house four to five nights a week and it was for their
company above all. I love them all
dearly and consider them my family to this day.
I recall being at “T”’s house to ring in the new year of 2000. I wasn’t aware then that I would continue to
spiral downward toward rock bottom and my life would have significant
challenges ahead.
My weight
was skyrocketing. My self-esteem was
plummeting. I went out less because I
was ashamed of the way I looked. One of
“T”’s friends asked me to be in his wedding in May of 2000. I knew and had hung out with “C” a good deal,
but I wouldn’t consider us close friends. To be asked to be in his wedding
took me off guard. Hell, I wouldn’t have
been offended not to be invited to the wedding, let alone be in it. I thought that he must’ve needed to fill out
the groom’s side to match the bridesmaids, so I accepted. I was honored to be asked. Tuxedo fitting was the first thing I
dreaded. “T” was a big man, but I was
wondering if they could even find something in my size. Well, they could special order something,
they told me and they could add a panel to the back of a shirt to shroud my
considerable waist. The tux was a size
72. Oh my God! What the hell was I doing to myself!?!
The other
thing I was concerned about was standing during the ceremony. I didn’t do too well on my feet for anything
more than a few minutes. The ceremony
came and I was in agony. Even standing
ten minutes at a clip was torturous for me, not to mention kneeling at
church. My best guess was that I was approaching
400lbs. back then. My best guess would
have been wrong too. I must’ve been much
more. I wouldn’t know how much more
until ten months later when I could finally get on a scale that could
accommodate me. I supposed I could’ve
gone to a truck stop to tip their scales.
I had it worked out in my head.
Drive up to the scale and weigh it.
Get out of the car. Weigh it again. Subtract the difference. Of course I was only kidding when I would say
this in a self-deprecating manner. I
really didn’t want to know. I am sure
the food addiction convinced me I was better off that way.
During this
time of my life there was so much going on.
I had developed sleep apnea and was in severe crisis from lack of
sleep. So much so that would fall asleep
at the wheel frequently, fall asleep at my desk constantly, and even get
delusional during conversations as if I was narrating a dream that had crossed
over into the semi-waking hours. The shit that would come out of my mouth
sometimes scared me. It was nonsensical
at best. I was always half asleep and
incoherent. It almost cost me my job and
worse, I could have killed someone on the road, if not myself. I finally had a sleep study done and was formally
diagnosed. This was the small first step
toward the much improved life I would make for myself in the new millennium.
In February
of 2000 my father was suddenly very ill.
Out of nowhere, this hale and hearty man was stricken with renal
carcinoma... kidney cancer. I moved back
home with my parents to help care for him during this time, always hopeful he
could recover and lead a normal life. Alas, that wasn't to be. It was quite trying and
hard to watch. Just trying to pitch in
around the house, do yard work and go to doctor’s appointments was very
difficult given my limited mobility. But
I soldiered on for Dad’s sake. For
Mom’s sake as well. Despite the best
doctors and aggressive treatment, he was taken from us on September 9th
of that year in the makeshift hospital room of our dining room. I think of him every day and miss him
dearly. I am actually welling up a bit
just writing about this. This course of
events would send me deeper into a self-abusive relationship with food. I would hide myself away in my apartment for
the next four to five months, just me and my poison. I think I put on at least
fifty pounds that year. It must’ve been hard
for my loved ones to watch a bad situation get worse.
Join me next
time for the biggest (pun not intended) revelation up to that point in my
life. It was brought to me by an
unlikely savior…Carnie Wilson.
Cya next
time,
M
What I
ate and how I exercised:
Breakfast ~ Amy’s breakfast burrito
Lunch ~ A big salad of baby romaine, red
onion, carrots, sliced filet mignon (left over from last night) and toasted
pumpkin seeds in a homemade chipotle lime dressing. I’ll post the recipe to this delicious salad
dressing next week.
Dinner ~ Whole wheat pasta in a light broth w/veggies
Exercise ~ 2 miles around the lake.
*Update ~ Last night’s dinner was a huge success for
me. At a fine steakhouse, I managed to
eat well and sensibly. I had a lightly
dressed Caesar salad (after all, it was the ides of March), a petite filet
mignon (10oz, of which I ate around half) and grilled asparagus. Decaf, in lieu of dessert. I was intending on walking 1 mile when I got
home
and didn’t count on rain.
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