How Did I Get Here?: Part 2

Yesterday I left off at the food we ate as kids.  One thing we never did was go to fast food joints.  I do recall once in ‘69 we stopped at a McDonald’s, for the first time, in Florida.  We were mortified that they put both mustard and ketchup on a burger.  My mother always put mustard on her burgers and ketchup on her dogs and told us it was a ‘Pennsylvania thing”.  That was weird enough, but both!?!  Gross!  Or at least it was then.  Other than that, the fastest food we ever got was Minute Rice.  Well, that and pizza a few times a month.  Interesting how even with very limited exposure to fast food as a youth, it became such a staple, practically part of the coat of arms, of my unhealthy lifestyle.

One thing I remember about being a ‘big’ kid is being made fun of by others on occasion.  It was sometimes a weapon in sibling arguments as well, being called fatso.  I wore a ‘husky’ size in my maroon Toughskins that my mom bought at Sears and somehow knew it was not the normal size for a kid my age.  Remember those jeans in maroon or green or red or brown?  In the mid ‘70s they often went with a Qiana shirt having a wild pattern and wide collars.  What were we thinking!?!  I know that finding clothes for me was never easy for my mom.  Still isn’t for me.  I think that is in my top five of things to look forward to…clothes shopping. 

I tried out for Pop Warner football when I was a tween, much to the dismay of my mother.  I wound up quitting because I was told that if I couldn’t get down to a certain weight by game day, I would sit on the sideline with my shirt turned inside out.  I knew I could never get to that weight and I refused to be mortified by being the fat kid on the bench, underscored by my shirt of shame.  So I quit.

I recall one holiday, Thanksgiving I think, my then uncle, Jim Harper, took me aside and told me I shouldn’t eat sweets and such because of my weight problem.  He told me that, perhaps, skipping dessert would be a good idea.  I remember wanting dessert so bad that day.  There were cannolis to be had, but I was too embarrassed to partake.  Uncle Jim was on my shit list that day.  I am sure he had good intentions, but he made me feel very bad…the frig.

High school was when I really started to be aware of my corpulence and became somewhat self-conscious about it.  I say somewhat because it didn’t stop me from doing what I loved to do, perform.  In my junior year, I got the lead in the musical, How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying, on the condition I lose some weight.  I recall being around 206 then. I think I got down to 195 by opening day.  During rehearsals for that show, I went to sit down in an auditorium chair and it broke under me.  I know that at 200 lbs, it could have been any adult male that sat in that particular seat, but it wasn’t.  It was me in front of some girls in the show and I wanted to crawl into a hole.  I’ve had several chairs give way under my girth over the years.  Those $12 white plastic drug store ones shouldn’t count, but they leave an indelible tick mark on the humiliating events list.  I’ve had several die a sudden death in my wake over the years.

In 1980, I got a job as a busboy at Echo Lake Country Club in Westfield, NJ.  We wore these oh-so-snappy, royal blue polyester waist coats.  Mine was royal blue until they couldn’t get my size anymore.  Then I was the sole black coat in the joint.  Stigmatized once again.  Couldn’t have been too bad, I guess.  I stayed there on and off for ten years.  It was at Echo Lake that I think I developed a love for food and potentially cooking.  We ate our meals at ELCC after our shifts and it was almost always something rich, fried, or fatty.  Prime rib, fried chicken, heavy sauces, left over hors d’oeuvres and desserts were a steady diet four to five nights a week.  I think it was then that I started to go from a big kid to something much more.  I heard the term ‘morbidly obese’ for the first time.  Yet, with all of what should have been reinforcement to lighten my load and change my ways, it only seemed to engrain a pattern of self-abuse that has continued for years.

More next week on how did I get here.

Cya tomorrow,

M

What I ate and how I exercised today:

Breakfast ~ Kashi Island Vanilla cereal with toasted nuts, ½ a banana and skim milk

Lunch ~ Miso soup, an avocado/cucumber roll and a tuna scallion roll.  Yes, I ate the fortune cookie too.

Dinner ~ 2 Mushroom Lover’s veggie burgers on whole wheat sandwich rounds (200 calories each and delicious btw) and a few carrots with hummus. Should have had more fresh veggies today.

Exercise ~ I bought a pedometer today at the mall.  It was a cheap one and didn’t work, but in spite of that I did walk in the mall.  I estimate about a mile or so given the time I walked and the pace I maintained.  I then went to Best Buy and bought a watch with a pedometer and other bells and whistles built in so that I can monitor my progress anytime and anywhere.

How Did I Get Here?: Part 1

I have been thinking as of late on how I got to this point in my life where I am on a quest to lose another 168 pounds, why I’m reaching out to all those I know and don’t know by writing this blog and forcing myself to take a hard look at my choices over the years in order to change my life.  Is it my midlife crisis?  I don’t know.  Perhaps, a rebirth instead.  Approaching fifty with one parent already gone does tend to make you introspective, especially when the prospect of putting in another 25 years is a dim one for a man of over 350 pounds.  So I will try to answer through a series of blogs the question, just how did I get here.  What we ate, what things stuck in my head over the years about being obese and what my mindset has been at various points in my life.

My story?  Okay.  It was never easy for me.  I was born a poor black child.  I remember the days, sittin' on the porch with my family, singin' and dancin' down in Mississippi.  Wait.  That wasn’t me.  That was Navin R. Johnson in "The Jerk."  I was raised in a lower middle-class family in a stereotypical hometown U.S.A. kinda place.  My father was very hard working and Mom was the stay-at-home domestic goddess that was the standard for the '60s and '70s.  Being Italian, or at least half (Dad always said it was the half that counted. In a humorous way, though), much of our interaction was surrounding food.   We almost always ate dinner together and our meals consisted of meatloaves, tuna casseroles, steaks,  breaded pork chops, pasta, etc.  When Mom and Dad went out to dinner dances on Saturdays we would get frozen pot pies, Swanson frozen dinners or, our favorite, Banquet fried chicken and Morton(?) frozen macaroni and cheese.  Our side dishes for family meals were usually some kind of boxed rice dish or potatoes and something that resembled vegetables.

Back in the '60s and '70s, fresh vegetables were not the norm and I guess an expensive proposition when cooking for a family of five.  Mom shopped once a week and it was more prudent to buy these frozen bricks of vegetables, which kept better, than the limited variety of produce available.  These bricks were boiled until they were gray.  String beans or broccoli’s color more resembled an army tank than a summer lawn.  The picture above , although very over-cooked has considerably more chlorophyll that what we ate.  I'm talking GRAY.  Lima beans were always something we fought over.  Not over who got to eat them, but over why we wouldn’t.  Well, Mom...because they sucked!  Mom did the best she knew how and I love her for it, but it was years before I would learn to like vegetables.  I absolutely love them now, but it was hard getting here.  So when I hear adults say they don’t like vegetables, I look back on the weapons of mass indigestion that were in our freezer and I sort of understand. 

Breakfast during the week was some sugary cereal like Cap’n Crunch, Apple Jacks, Sugar Frosted Flakes or Sugar Pops.  Just try to find a cereal with 'sugar' proudly displayed on its front panel these days.  Basically we were getting candy for breakfast except on weekends when Dad would make bacon and eggs or pancakes.  My Dad loved to cook breakfast.  I have fond memories of him standing over an electric fry pan and whipping out those delectable Bisquick flapjacks, which we promptly smothered with butter and Log Cabin ‘maple’ syrup.

Lunch was usually some sort of processed meat like bologna with Velveeta, perhaps, a PBJ or tuna salad laden with mayo, all nestled between two pieces of that nutritious Wonder Bread.  It was nutritious, right?  The commercials told us it was.  Bleached flour processed into an airy cloud that, when smooshed, turned into a gloriously doughy vehicle for whatever salt- and/or preservative-packed protein was being delivered.

While we seldom had soda in the house, there was always something in the cookie jar.  Grandma would stop by the Burry Biscuit factory store about once a month and we’d get garbage bags full of Fudgetowns and Scooter Pies.  Alas, the Burry plant burned to the ground on December 22, 2011.  R.I.P. kid crack factory.

Long story short (I know; too late, you say), we were fed crap growing up.  It was packaged as the wholesome American diet, but it was, indeed, crap.  I don’t blame Cathie and Sal.  They were amazing parents, just trying to get by.  They raised three great kids in so many respects.  It is no wonder, however, that I learned to like, no, obsess over, the wrong foods.

Cya tomorrow for more on how I got here.

M

What I ate today:

Breakfast ~ An Amy’s burrito, with 1 TB fat-free Greek yogurt and salsa on top.

Mid-morning snack ~ Half of a banana the wife threw my way.

Lunch ~ Un-Turkey pita sandwich and a HUGE salad of bitter greens, cukes, toasted almonds, craisins and more with a homemade lime and fresh mint dressing.

Mid-afternoon snack ~ ½ cup leftover mixed rice blend with some salsa

Dinner ~ Whole wheat pasta with artichokes, mushrooms, carrots and peas in a homemade fennel stock and a tad of grated cheese.

Cooking Healthy Thursday

It’s Cooking Thursday and each week I will lay out what I love to cook with, sources of great recipes and products that I feel are helping me (and, hopefully, you) cook healthy, great tasting meals.  Face it.  If you are to be successful in eating healthy foods promoting weight loss, you need to cook at home.  Few of you can afford private chefs.  I also know that it can be tough when you have a family to cook for.  But there is no reason you cannot whip up good food that tastes great in your own kitchen.  Okay, so you say you can’t cook.  Well, that’s not an excuse.  TRY. Then TRY AGAIN.  Prepare well, pay attention to what you are doing and practice often.  You'll do fine.

Today, I’ll clue you in on four items I couldn’t be without in my kitchen and my favorite cooking magazine that has never let me down.  Let’s start with four great tools that make cooking easier and fun.

The Magic Bullet is one of the best gifts I’ve ever received.  Thanks, Reagans!  This handy little blender is used in my home for two or three tasks.  1: Beating eggs.  I add some fresh basil for a nice taste.  Please don’t be making cheese omelets with your Bullet and limit your eggs to a few per week.  2: Salad dressing.  We have not bought salad dressing in years.  It is waaaaay too easy to make your own and it is eons better than anything on the market.  Much cheaper as well.  Experiment with cutting the oil in half and using water instead.  Mustard makes a nice emulsifier.  3: Spice blends are a good way to add a lot of flavor to meats and fish, without adding extra fat.  Throw in some salt, pepper, rosemary, garlic powder and fresh parsley.  Whiz it up in the Bullet and you’re good to go.  Oh, and the Bullet also makes a great coffee grinder.

The Salad Spinner is a godsend when making salads or sautéing veggies.  If you try to sauté wet vegetables you will wind up steaming them instead and wet salads are kinda gross. Love the salad spinner.

A good chef’s knife is essential to food prep.  Using that small steak knife to cut an onion or whack any large melon is unsafe and impractical.  I have Global brand knives, which can be pricey, but Victorinox makes a great knife for $25.  It has also won tests against much more expensive knives.  Also, keep it sharp.  My Tabitha says she never enjoyed cooking until she used good knives.  Makes all the difference.

A rice cooker rocks!  We have a Zojirushi model that costs a little over $100, but for me it’s worth it.  You can find less expensive models as well.  The rice is perfect every time and you set it and forget it.  (Scuse me, Mr. Popeil, for stealing your line.)

Lastly, a great source for healthy recipes; Cooking Light Magazine (CLM). And the best thing is you don’t need to buy it!  We get it delivered, but you can go to www.myrecipes.com and get all of the recipes online.  This site is also home to other magazines' recipes from the same parent as CLM, but look for the CLM ones.  Southern Living isn't kown for lowering your cholesterol.  The CLM recipes give you the nutritional values and you can even save your favorites in your own virtual recipe box.  Every one a winner to date.

More healthy cooking info next Thursday.  On a side note, I managed to get into a tussle with gravity today and lost.  I was walking out of a restaurant that I often sing at and tripped.  I took a nasty fall.  The bruises on my hip and ankle won’t compare to the ones on my ego.  Much thanks to the sixty-something lady that came flying out of the building from having her own lunch to see that I was ok.  She actually tried to help me up.  I guess she was a crane in another life.  I didn’t walk today as a result being so sore.  Going to try tomorrow, though.

Cya Friday,

M

What I ate today:

Breakfast ~ ½ a grapefruit, 2 egg omelet w/veggies and decaf w/skim

Lunch ~ Mesclun salad w/about 2oz broiled salmon, dressing on the side

Mid-afternoon treat ~ a big mug of broth whilst doing paperwork

Dinner ~ I ‘Iron Cheffed’ it tonight  Using what I had on hand I concocted veggies w/crispy tofu in a green coconut curry sauce over a rice blend.  Pictured here.

So These Three Old Ladies Walk into a Blog...

It’s What's in My Head Wednesday so here's what is rolling around in the vast expanse of my noggin.  I was driving home yesterday when I saw three women walking.  Now these were three old women.  Ain’t no way to be politically correct and say “mature” or “senior.”  I’m talking OLD.  One of them reminded me of the Shoebox Greetings lady and another of Clara Peller of “Where’s the beef!” fame.  The third looked like her social security number could be a single digit.  Seeing these three elderly ladies out for a late afternoon stroll, the first thing I thought was here are three women of advanced age and they are out getting exercise.  How sad is it that I haven’t gotten my butt out here to do the same.  Okay.  So that was the second thought.  The first was better hurry, ladies, before you miss the early bird  senior’s special down at the Sizzler.  But, honestly, I was a little shamed.

So this week my thoughts are about exercise, blog content and long-term planning.  Exercise first.  I am in a mental struggle about motivating myself to do this movement thing religiously.  As much as I want to be healthier and burn off calories (Did you know you never actually burn off fat cells?  More on that another day), I equate exercise with discomfort and boredom.  I'm trying to change my 'stinkin’ thinkin’' as someone i used to know would say.  But it is gonna be freaking hard.  Well, this whole thing is kind of hard so I will just add it to the 'suck it up' list.

Blog content is bugging me a bit.  I am doing my best to provide insight into my journey as well as entertaining, informative content.  A few weeks ago, in my inaugural post, I said I would be doling out small bites.  Well, damnit, I am having trouble coming up with enough bites that meet the above criteria.  But the writing is fun, cathartic and I know I am impacting some folks.  I do hear from them and it puts me on top of the world.  Several of you have been giving me potential material and I will be using much of it.  I am truly grateful so please keep the suggestions coming.  The daily writing thing is all new to me and I just need to get into a groove.  Enough on the blog content for now; let’s talk something long term.

I am dreading having reconstructive surgery.  Like so many things, exercise, for example, I want to procrastinate.  Avoid the unpleasant at all costs.  I’ve been lucky to be fairly illness-free and, let's face it, surgery is downright scary.  But just today I realized that, sooner rather than later, I should find a surgeon to get an initial consult.  It will be much easier if I find out his/her opinion on when I should do it, whether it’s multiple procedures or just one and how much money will I need for the whole shebang.  That info will likely either relieve any stress I have about the whole mess or amp it up considerably.  Good thing I don’t let too much get to me. 

Well, that's WIMHW for this week. 

Oh, and I did walk tonight.  Right before I sat down and wrote this, I walked 1 mile at exactly 3 MPH.  That burned around 248 calories.  If you want to know how many calories you burn when walking, go here http://www.healthstatus.com/calculate/cbc

Cya tomorrow,

M

What I ate today:

Breakfast ~ Kashi Vanilla Island cereal with skim milk, 1 banana, and toasted almonds.

Lunch ~ I was into a work flow today and didn’t make time enough for an adequate lunch.  I had ½ an apple with about 1 Tb of peanut butter.  Shame on me.

Mid-afternoon ~ Decaf iced coffee with skim milk

Dinner ~ Miso soup, a seaweed salad split with the wife and 2 Maki rolls (sushi) made with brown rice.  FYI, I wasn’t digging the brown rice in rolls containing fish.

Beware the Traps

My wife Tabitha is not only vegan, but also going back to school to be a nutritionist.  One thing she is always saying is that salads are traps.  People think they are doing themselves good when they order the Caesar salad and maybe adding some grilled chicken.  Well, if you would normally order a huge cheeseburger and fries, perhaps it’s a better choice…perhaps.  If you were going to The Olive Garden and ordered just that, here is what you would be getting; 610 calories, 40 grams of fat (Oyveh!) and 1230 grams of sodium.  If I am not mistaken, that  also comes with breadsticks and soup.  I could go into a host of other salad info, but know this; the dressing and croutons are not helping you one iota.  Get dressing on the side and hold the croutons.  You really know the right thing to do.  Just do it.

As I mentioned in a previous post, I love the Food Network.  I love to cook so, of course, it is what I check first when channel surfing.  Rachael Ray fast became America’s sweetheart, whipping up meals in just thirty minutes.  Many of these scrumptious concoctions she purports as “healthy.”  Well, America’s Sweetheart must have stock in the folks that make the angioplasty supplies, because while she may not be Paula Deen, her shit is anything but healthy.  I am sorry, Rachael, but EVOO is still a fat.  A better fat?  Yeah.  Healthy in the copious amounts you glug into your orange pots and pans?  Not by a long stretch.  If you want to add the amount of oil, cheese and salt you do, please don’t give me that Joker-like smile of yours and say “A healthy and hearty meal in under thirty minutes!"  If you ask Tabitha, she’d tell you "Rachael Ray wouldn’t know a healthy meal if it banged her all night long."  

Chinese food is mostly veggies.  We all love it.  If you don't, then you're just weird.  You can stop reading here.  I think most people are smart enough to know the fried stuff ain’t Lo Phat Chow.  But even your typical Chicken with Broccoli can be a trap.  A serving of about two cups is 650 calories and at least 13 grams of fat.  Not too bad for the average joe, but if you are trying to lose weight, not a great choice.  Frankly, no one eats two cups.  Usually more.  Have it with pork fried rice and you are sabotaging your efforts even more, plus you are kidding yourself.  I want a nap just thinking about it.  As with the salad, get your sauce on the side.  Skip the fried rice.  They hide a lot of oil in there too.  Good tip; if it is at all shiny, odds are it has an enough oil to make it a poor choice. 

This all speaks to what I have been saying.  You likely know the right thing to do and often ignore it.  I did.  I still want to.  It's hard.  I get that.  Listen to your head and not your devil.

What I ate today:

Breakfast ~ One egg beaten with 1 Tb salsa,  then microwaved for 45 secs.  Served on a Wegman's sandwich thin.  Under 180 calories, yet hot, delicious and portable!

Mid-morning snack ~ Yeah, I had another Starbucks' Skinny Decaf Mocha while in a business meeting.  Last one this week, promise.  I only had the Tall at about 110 calories, but not a great choice. No nutrition here.

Lunch ~ Dined out and had steamed scallops and veggies, sauce on the side with brown rice.  Totally ingored the fried noodles and included soup option.  Really enjoyed it.

Dinner ~ Dined out again with one of my favorite people.  Enjoyed a salad with white beans, artichokes and mixed greens.  Had them hold the feta.  Broiled salmon with eggplant and radicchio. Decaf with a splash of milk.  Such a nice meal.

Progress is Progress

Week 2 comes to a close and a new one begins.  The call of exercise is even louder as the weight loss slows.  I knew week 1 was the initial jumpstart and never expected I would see anything even close to the 13 lbs that were shed.  And I did warn myself that it was as good as it gets and no matter what, progress is progress.  I remain ever vigilant.  This past week was a good one, as I challenged myself in typically tough scenarios for a food addict.  There was lots of time on the road and a number of meals eaten out.  I am really missing neither meat nor caffeine.   The little bit of white flour I’ve had is negligible.  So I will stay the course and keep doing what I know is right.  With one exception, MOVE!

This morning I approached my old adversary, the scale, and stepped aboard with anticipation.  I normally weigh myself on an electronic scale three times to get a consistent reading.  They can be kind of a pain to get a steady readout.  This morning I got numbers all over the place.  This was the initial reading, 347.8.  I couldn’t get the bloody thing to give me the same numbers twice, so this is the official number.  Frankly, I got frustrated and said, “Screw it. This is close enough.”  Down 2.6 lbs in week 2, for a total of 15.6.  Disappointed? Yeah, I have to I admit I am.  I was hoping for more like 5 lbs lost.  Deterred?  Not in the slightest.  I am moving in the right direction and I know in my heart that I ate healthfully this last week.  I might have done a wee bit better had I cut out the Starbucks.  Albeit, they were the skinny version and each under 160 calories, but they add up.

If I can keep up a 2-lb-per-week pace for the next year, I will be under 250 for the first time since 1984 or so.  One of my biggest worries is that I will look like a deflated Mike.1.  So it is then I will have to undergo reconstructive surgery (or surgeries) to remove excess skin and get a somewhat “normal” shape.  I am so not looking forward to that.  There will be some serious recovery needed and, I am sure, severe discomfort.  My guess is that the surgery in and of itself will yield about 20+ pounds of weight loss.  By the way, for those that don’t know me well, I stand just under 5’9” on a good hair day.  I wonder what size waist I would have at 230 lbs?  I’m not sure, but it will be nice to buy off the rack in a normal store for once.  I look forward to the day where the size tag doesn’t have a number before the XL.

Folks, I need your thoughts on topics you would like to hear about from me.  Trying to keep this from getting repetitive is a harder task than I anticipated.  Either comment here or on FB if you have an idea, a question or a general comment regarding the blog.

Cya Tuesday,
M

What I ate today:

Breakfast ~ Amy’s burrito with 1 Tb fat free Greek yogurt and 2 Tb chipotle salsa.  Decaf with 1 Tb ½ & ½ (I used the last of it and don’t plan on buying any more.

Lunch ~ Un-Turkey pita sandwich

Mid-afternoon snack ~ Honeycrisp Apple
Dinner ~ Pictured above is a Korean Bibimbop.  It’s brown rice with different veggies, crispy tofu and egg, all mixed up.  Very good stuff.  It’s from Cooking Light and the recipe is located here: http://www.myrecipes.com/recipe/bibimbop-50400000119700/

Resolve is My Umbrella When it's Raining Temptation

I knew that when I decided to do something about my addiction that I would have to make some drastic changes in all aspects of my life.  With any addiction, they experts say you need to stay away from people, places and things that trigger bad behavior.  I have mentioned my passion for wine.  I have quite a collection that I would like to enjoy as it reaches its ultimate maturity.  What’s the best way to enjoy wine?  With delicious food, of course.  I also watch a lot of food-oriented television.  I love the Food Network, Top Chef, Hell’s Kitchen or anything geared toward fellow foodies.

Being in outside sales, I drive past a gagillion opportunities per week to get off course.   I get into my car and it’s like the sun went down and I turned into Count Snackula.  Today I saw that Burger King is selling Cinnabon.  Come on, universe!  Gimme a break!  Two-for-one chicken sandwiches to boot?  It’s not easy for me to resist temptation.  I know too many of you feel the same way.  TV commercials are becoming increasingly harder to watch.  There are demonic people at work in the food labs of major corporations developing food crack targeted at my piehole.  I have to want my new life more than a gooey cinnamon roll or some fried piece of inferior chicken with bacon on it.  That’s one of the reasons I gave up meat altogether for the month of February; it takes out of play the fast food fare and helps me build my resolve in the initial stages.  And it’s working.  Planning and preparation are key to successful weight loss.  So getting up early enough to have breakfast at home, knowing exactly what I will do for lunch before I leave the house and knowing what raw ingredients I have on hand to make a healthy dinner are essential.

On a different subject, I’d like to address my writing.  I put about an hour a day into this from subject prep to writing and, honestly, a lot of proofreading.  Unfortunately, I wasn’t an English major in school and even after going over each post about six times, plenty of flaws can be found.  So for those of you out there who find such missteps and cringe, I am sorry.  I do try.  I imagine Heidi (a big time, real-life editor), also Stacey and Tabitha, reading through my blogs and, perhaps, shaking their heads.  Just know an effort was put in to make my thoughts as coherent as possible. Hopefully, the real message comes through clear enough.

Cya for weigh in #2 on Monday,

M

What I ate today:

Breakfast ~ Kashi Island Vanilla cereal w/ toasted almonds, a banana and Almond Vanilla Silk

Lunch ~ Carrots with roasted red pepper hummus.

Afternoon snack ~ An absolutely HUGE organic Honeycrisp apple

Dinner ~ (Pictured above) Whole wheat pasta with artichoke hearts, roasted red pepper, cannelini beans for protein, fresh peas and a sauce made from the braising liquid from last night's fennel side dish.  This was flippin' delicious!