Devil on My Shoulder

Having an addiction is like having the Devil on your shoulder.  He constantly is whispering in your ear.  I've come to think of this devil as an alter ego.  Looking to cajole you into an Almond Joy or a donut to (okay 2) to go with that coffee.  No I am not schizophrenic and I don't hear voices in my head.  But there are times, especially in the car when I have a feeling wash over me that I should swing by the Quick Chek for a little something, or any one of a million drive-throughs  You actually find yourself in a debate about whether or not to give in.

 

There is something mysterious about the car.  I don't know if it is the solitude, privacy or its anonymity.  It could be just something to do that I have complete control over.  I'll need a good bit of therapy to figure this one out I guess.  I will say that it is something I have always been secretly ashamed of.  Making sure you don't time a phone call as you are pulling up to the ordering speaker or pick-up window.  Hiding the remains of trash left behind.  Being ashamed that people will see that the fat guy is eating.  In face-to-face conversations I notice people looking at my largeness frequently in conversation, eyes shifting down.  Hey... my eyes are up here, as the ladies say.  Well put a burger in my hand or a slice and I feel like I will get some stare of pity or of disgust for my lack of control.  I know much of it is my imagination but some of it is real.  I see it.  Not having those synapses fire as often will be a relief some day.  Oh, and I would like to retract something.  In my first post, I spoke of conquering my addiction.  This was very incorrect.  I should have stuck with my initial wording of "taming" my addiction. You never lose the addiction.  I know that forever more, that devil will be trying to whisper in my ear.   Perhaps the repetitive process of doing the right thing will just make him harder to hear.

What I ate today:

Breakfast ~ Amy's Breakfast Burrito w/1 Tbs low fat sour cream and Chipolte Salsa

Lunch ~ Brussels Sprout Soup and a tomato basil salad

Mid Afternoon Snack ~ Celery and roasted pepper hummus and decaf coffee with 2 TB 1/2 & 1/2

Dinner ~ Veggie Heaven in Denville for Eggplant Delight and Moo Shu Basil Rolls.   Yeah...I ate the fortune cookie.

Tomorrow I think I'll talk about being the healthiest obese guy around. Fun huh?

Cya then and thanks SO MUCH for stopping by.

M