The middle of the week is the time where we explore what's going on with my psyche and that usually means a few separate items. Not today. There is one thing on my mind and I'll work through it by writing it here and shipping it off into universe. Hopefully it will bounce around and come back with some clarity.I've been struggling this week. The old devil on my shoulder is in my ear again and, while he hasn't been overly persuasive, it's taxing. Work is keeping me beyond busy. When you are in sales that is a good thing. When you are trying to keep balance in your life and stay on point, be prepared and keep motivated it gets to you a tad. Once you start making minor allowances and deviations, it's a slippery slope.
We had a party last week. The leftovers included much of the same types of snack foods I had leftover from poker. I've been grabbing pretzels all week and, much worse, dipping into the trifle left behind. I asked for it not to be left, but they insisted. I thought perhaps our friend that is staying with us might like some, but she hasn't touched it. I feel terrible for wasting it, but I literally, just now, got up in the middle of writing and threw it away. Diane, it was delicious and I know you worked hard putting it together. I can't have it around. I'm apparently not strong enough right now to let it sit in the fridge for someone else. The pretzels and anything else lying around are going once I am done writing.
Overall, I have been feeling pressure to be the shining example I set myself up to me. As of late, it's been harder. Ironic, since just a week or so ago I wrote a whole piece as to how it isn't that hard. I guess as long as I am not off sneaking food in my car or saying "F it" and throwing in the towel, I am winning the war. You won't find Big Mac containers in my back seat. Perhaps I am being too hard on myself.
There was no blog post yesterday. Normally I would write something the next morning to fill the slot left open for a missed evening, but today, more work than time to do it and a certain level of apathy toward the the missing blog brought me here leaving a gaping hole my clean record of not missing a post. I guess it is all part of this malaise. I'l try to back fill with something before the weekend is over.
I know that in a long haul of such an endeavor there are bound to be bumps in the road. While my resolve is being tested, it is still in place. I will however be taking next week off from writing. I'll make an entry for my weigh-in on Monday, and then take a much needed blog vacation until the following weigh-in. With work being so busy and trying to stay focused, this normally grounding experience is putting a little more stress on me, which only exacerbates the problem.
That's is where my head is at this Wednesday. A little cloudy, but still screwed on in the right place. Rest assured I am doing fine and the sheer fact that I came here to stream this from my fingertips is proof I am still with the program. Now off to purge the crap from the kitchen.
Cya Thursday,
M
What I ate today and how I exercised:
Breakfast ~ Kashi Island Vanilla w/banana, fresh blueberries and almond milk
Lunch ~ The last of the rosemary Dijon chicken and pasta and bean salad
Snack ~ Some pretzels (to be thrown away) and some carrots and hummus
Dinner ~ TBD
Exercise ~ TBD
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