How Did I Get Here?: Part 8

I didn't have much time to get my feet back under me, after the whole Denny's colon cleanse incident.  Prior to doing the bypass, they need you to reeeeaaallly flush your system, so they give you a host of gastric Drano materials the day before.  I am pretty sure, that weekend, I passed a toddler's worth of weight as a result.  So clean, that when I sat down, I squeaked.  Now it is off to the hospital for the Greenfield insertion, part deux.  They decided to do the procedure the morning of my bypass, instead of having to postpone the major surgery.

I got to the hospital with my Mom, my driver and chaperon for this field trip, fairly early in the morning.  A nurse was going to take a blood sample for tests.  She sits down in front of me, with glasses that could have been a prototype for the Hubble Telescope lens and says, "Do you know where your best spot to draw is?  I don't do this a whole lot."  This day is not going to go too well.  After she gives me as many needle sticks as a tattoo artist writing 'Mother', she finally got her samples and was on her way.  I felt like calling after her, "You don't work in the O.R., do ya?"

The Greenfield insertion was done rather easily, since my wound from Friday's ordeal was still fresh and they had access to slide in their cable, filter attached.  Now off to prep for the big show.  I was brought to a pre-operative bullpen, where I was joined by Mom and now Sis, before undergoing the high priced plumbers.  These guys are like factories, they do so many surgeries.  I was delayed because an emergency hernia popped up (no pun intended) and Dr Bam Bam needed to rectify it.  So here I am, made to think about my impending dissection even longer.  I made small talk with Mom and Sis and showed them my Yogi-like skills (the Indian shaman type dude, not the bear), by making my vital signs go up and down, at will.  The television was on and since the world was currently all abuzz about the Shandra Levy murder, that was the joyful noise I got to hear while passing time.  I told my often gullible Mom, "You know, I hear they found Cheerios all over the murder site."  Mom says "You're kidding!  That's weird!"  "Yup", I say, "they seem to have a cereal killer on their hands."  My sister explodes in laughter and Mom does too after about 20 seconds of processing.  A stupid joke, I know, but in a tense situation like waiting for such a major and potentially dangerous event in your life, you look for things to make you smile.  My go to device is always corn.

I was rolled into the O.R. and they slid me on to the table.  I was going to ask if this table would flip me off like the other one tried to, but I held my tongue.  The anesthesiologist started doing his thing and I faintly hear the last words spoken before I go out, Nurse: "You sure this is a good idea Alex?  He is awfully big for this."

I don't know how long the bypass took.  I just remember being roused from sleep with someone yelling to me in Spanglish and rubbing my face.  "Michael.  Time to wake up!"  At no time in my life have I ever wanted to stay asleep more.  I felt like my chest and abdomen were used as one of those carnival thingies you whack with a sledge hammer to ring the bell.  I have never been in more agony until then and since.  I got into post-op and kept moaning, trying to get the nurses attention.  I had to ask many, many times for some pain relief.  It took around 45 minutes before I got any.  I do not hate anyone in this world...well not too many people, anyway, but you have to have a HUGE pair of brass ones to tell me you are sorry I am agony, but you are short handed this afternoon.  I hated her with every ounce of my being that day.

In the interest of brevity, I will pick up from here next time.  I try not to make these posts too long.  Somewhere between a fortune cookie and newspaper article.

Today is the 2 month anniversary of TDT195 blog.  Where does the time go?

Cya tomorrow,
M

What I ate today and how I exercised:

Breakfast ~ Island Vanilla Kashi cereal w/a handful of craisins and unsweetened, vanilla almond milk

Lunch ~ On the road to Maryland and I had tough choices for the ill-planned journey.  A stop at Wawa yielded a veggie and dip container, which boasted, "Under 150 calories!" on its label.  I used half the low fat ranch so I guess I was "Under 100 calories!"  Take that!  Also, so cheesey rye crackers (180 calories) and water.

Mid-afternoon ~ The lunch trip to Wawa didn't hold me.  about two and half hourse laster, I swung by KFC for a grilled chicken breast.  It came w/o skin.  Lucky me. 

Dinner ~ A Boca burger and salad are likely.  Writing this early, so I can spend time with the family.

Exercise ~ None today